Tis Merely a Flesh Wound
by The First Order
Summary: Clove and Cato thought they might perish from the maddening power of a single word until a delightfully handy grenade came along.


**A/N:** Rated T for language and violence.

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Clove peered down to the forest floor. "I don't see her anymore," she whispered.

"Good." Did Cato have to yell and let all the other tributes know where they were? She glared at him, but he didn't seem to realize his misstep. "That girl is nuts."

She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes and nodded instead. Yeah, it was hard to deny that the tribute that had followed them the last two days wasn't totally bonkers. Clove didn't think that she even had a weapon, but she'd pursued the two Careers through the thick brush, constantly repeating a single syllable that had driven them both mad. Okay, madder than they already were, but still. "Yeah, what's with her and the word 'ni'? Is that even a word? I don't think it is."

"She's kind of like a rabid bunny."

Clove looked at her partner, eyes incredulous. Naturally, he didn't notice. She sighed. "All right, then. Not the simile I would have picked, but I suppose it works."

"What's a simile?"

"I think it's more important that we figure out what to do about this, umm, let's go with person, than reteach sixth grade right now. Do you remember anything from training about killing really annoying people?"

He shrugged. "There's always the Not-Religiously-Affiliated-But-Ultimately-Holy Hand Grenade."

"That seems like a bit of overkill to me, but okay." Clove thought for a moment. "How can it be holy if it's not religious?"

Cato paused for a moment as well, his lips pursed as he thought. "I suppose it's because we're in a sci-fi dystopia. They're always either super-religious or have completely lost any concept of religion, right? We dystopian-dwellers just can't seem to find the happy balance that has to be in there somewhere."

"Uh-huh." She hadn't expected something so well-thought-out from Cato, and Clove had no idea how to respond to her suddenly thoughtful district partner. "Let's just kill this girl and get the hell out of here. How do we get this Not-Religiously-Affiliated – oh whatever, this hand grenade?"

"How am I supposed to know that?"

A ray of sunlight beamed through the clouds, and a silver parachute floated towards them as a beautiful melody played. Clove smiled as a beautiful jeweled hand grenade landed in her hands. "It really is a miracle!"

"Whoah, cool! How do we use it?" Cato asked. Clove wondered if he only liked it because it was shiny, but she didn't say anything. Probably best not to know.

She shooed him away when he tried to take the grenade from her. There was no way she was letting him hold a bomb. "There's a note on here." She unfolded the small slip of paper and read the instructions from Brutus.

_First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Not-Religiously-Affiliated-But-Ultimately-Holy Hand Grenade towards thy foe._

Clove read it again, sure she had missed something. Brutus' instructions were usually a bit less stupid-sounding, but she supposed the Games were a lot of stress for the mentors. "I think we just have to wait until that nut shows up again, take out the pin, count to three, and toss it at her."

She hadn't expected to wait for so long. That girl hadn't left them alone for two days, why avoid the Careers now? Clove hoped she'd found some other poor tribute to bother. If she got one of the others to snap or killed them with the constant, overbearing sound of _ni_, she and Cato would have an easier time fighting their way out of this Arena. One less tribute could only be a good thing – unless it was her, of course.

Perhaps it was a rustling in the trees that alerted her to the woman's return. More likely, the constant _ni_-ing tipped her off first. "She's coming." They watched as the other tribute bunny-hopped into the area just below their perch. Clove covered her ears with her hands and hoped that this would be over quickly.

"Ooh, can I do it?" She didn't feel like moving her hands away from her ears, so she nodded, and Cato reached for the grenade. He slipped out the pin. "One, two, five!"

"THREE!"

"Oh, okay, three." Cato tossed it towards the forest floor, and the girl disappeared in a burst of flame, smoke, and various body parts. He looked down at the crater. "You know, this might sound silly, but after all that, even a giant explosion felt a little anticlimactic."

She shoved him, which earned her a little yelp. "I'm sure you'll get over it. C'mon, we've got tributes to kill. Let's get out of here." She started to climb her way down the tree, and Cato follow -

Clove and Cato would have continued their journey, but at that very moment, the writer lost interest and chose to finish her story.

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**A/N:** The italicized paragraph comes almost directly from _Monty Python and the Holy Grail. _I hope you enjoyed this! I'd love to know what you thought of it. Thanks for reading!


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